Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Goin' Gangsta - the surgery

As most of you know I had foot surgery last week, if you want to learn about the process that worked up to the surgery feel free to read MonkeyPantalones (it's not really called that I just like how it sounds) and UniqueNewYork (same goes here, I dare you to try to say it 10 times fast).

First of all, I want to say I believe I was tricked into the surgery, had I known the truth I would have never gone through with it. Let me begin by starting with the actual surgery appointment:

I show up 15 minutes early and they get me in right away (lucky me!). I find this to be very confusing as both of the other appointments I had resulted in me waiting at least 45 minutes prior to seeing the doctor (I almost go and sit down in the waiting room anyways because I think the lady HAS to be talking to someone else, then realize he probably is ready to see me - since she's staring at me and no one else is in the waiting room). I follow the receptionist back to the torture chamber (I believe I now have the right to call it that). I go in and sit down with the nurse (the same nurse that when I took my sock off during a previous appointment with the doctor, looked at my foot like it had growths all over it [it doesn't]- WTF is she following me?! This time if she leans in to take a look I'm going to pretend like I have a leg spasm and ninja kick her in the eye.)

She goes over the "Post Surgical Instructions" which, in my opinion should have read "CHOOSE TO WALK OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN" instead at the top. Also, I believe they should have included a simple yes/no question at the beginning that stated "You are signing up to be in excruciating pain for the next 4 days (at the very least), if you think you can handle this check 'yes', if not check 'no' " (also, as a follow up question it should have asked if your significant other can handle this, the answer for Binderclips would have been a strong 'NO', maybe even with a "WAY JOSE" at the end). Most definitely I would've checked 'no', but I guess hindsight is 20/20.

After I read it a little more closely I see things on it like "YOU HAVE HAD A SURGICAL OPERATION..." (it was actually in all caps - "DANGER" should have definitely preceded it, if you ask me) and "Have your prescription filled immediately...", "Seepage of blood is normal...", and "You should only do a minimal amount of walking the first 4 days...".  I think 'What the...? I thought this was a minor procedure and no one said anything about a prescription and seepage of blood and limiting walking for the first 4 days and SEEPAGE OF BLOOD - WHAT ON EARTH??!!'. I suspect I could have easily ended up in hyperventilation mode, however somehow talked myself down from that ledge (probably because in situations like this I start looking around for the Candid Camera, like "ok, ok, ha, ha, very funny, next your going to tell me you are going to cut into my toe and file off some bone, right? Peter Funt come out from wherever you are").

Next thing I know he (the doctor not Peter Funt - I know, I had my hopes up too, believe me) comes in and gets to work immediately.....

To be continued

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