Sunday, April 18, 2010

Goin' Gangsta - the surgery continued

This is a continuation of the following blog postings:

1) Funky*
2) Bunches*
3) Of*
4) Goats*

*blog posting names are listed differently above for protection purposes only (Who am I kidding? I listed them differently because I can and wanted to - so there!)

Last time I left off with the doctor coming in to start the surgery....So here we go:

He came in, sat down and started cleaning my toe immediately. While I may have seemed calm I was freaking out on the inside. As he cleaned it I thought about just getting up and saying "You know, I forgot about something very important I had to do...mumble mumble mumble" then running out full speed (most likely running into an door or wall on the way out, since a smooth escape is most definitely not my style).

Instead, I decided to awkwardly talk about random things. I remember saying something about being one of the subjects in my thesis study and explaining "when the biopsy needle goes through the fascia it makes a loud POP noise" - I have no idea why I thought this was a good time to talk about that. I also remember having thoughts about an astronaut pushing around a shopping cart around on the moon (a nightmare I had the night before), I really hope I didn't say anything about that.

I was sitting on a normal examination bed, however it had been adjusted so that you couldn't lay down but instead were sitting up - in this case, watching what was going on. After sitting there and watching him give me a shot of lidocaine I decided watching him cut into my toe and then file off bone in 2 different locations, was NOT an option...GAG. Also, prior to going I decided not to eat anything because I really felt like I would throw up if I did.

After asking (again awkwardly) if I could lay down instead of watch "Ummm, yeah, how does this thing work?" I say (referring to the examination bed). "What thing?" he says in a confused tone. "Oh, a, the bed thingy I'm on" (clearly my brain stopped functioning at that point) "I'd like to not watch... errr, um, lay down if I can." After giving me a brief, strange look he laid the bed back, but not all the way. After I noticed I was not going to be laying all the way down (and still able to see what was going on), I asked him to hand me a book I brought to read (or in this case, use as a shield as to not see what was going on). He did (first he looked at his hands with surgical gloves on them, with his surgical mask on, as if to say "Really?! You really want me to hand it to you NOW?"). 'What on Earth!!?? This guy is SICK. He's trying to make me throw up, I just know it!' I thought. I contemplated yelling "YOU'RE SICK MAN!!" at him, but decided against it as I didn't want to rattle his nerves right before the surgery.

Finally, he asked if I could feel anything he was doing. "No" I said suspiciously. 'WAIT! Couldn't we just remove the toe? I don't need it and have always found pirates and peg legs fascinating. I could have a peg leg!' I thought as I freaked out inside my head (imagining myself wearing a patch, a peg leg and a hook and saying "ARRRRGHH").

After he cut into the toe (I knew he had because I had peered around the book for a brief moment to see blood coming out of the it), he started filing.... GAG GAG GAG (insert 5 million "GAG"s here). The filing required him to manipulate my toe in such a way that my foot was basically being jerked all around while he tried to find just the right angle to file the additional bone off (again, in 2 different locations, shown above). This went on for probably 5 minutes, then when he was done he stitched it up and I was ready to walk out (thanks to the lidocaine)....not knowing that the days after would be soo incredibly painful  that I would not be able to walk for 4-5 DAYS (insert a bunch of profanities here).

Just so you know, it's been a little over 2 weeks and I still have a slight limp.....GRRRR

1 comment:

  1. To Binderclips I would like to say "No, you absolutely positively cannot call me Limpy"...