Friday, December 24, 2010

Oh Ugly Christmas Tree

Every year I notice that something changes in me, I become more sentimental. For the past couple of years we haven't put any Christmas decorations up. However, this year I felt differently and wanted to put something up. I decided to find an ornament tree, which apparently does not exist and is a figment of my imagination because they were NOWHERE to be found. Instead I found a jewelry tree that did the trick, but I digress...

Anyways, what I wanted the tree for is to put all the ornaments my Mother made for me on. Every. Single. One. Now, I'm sure she's made me more ornaments than what is seen on the tree, but we made these last year together. Well, some of them, she made the garland type thingies, candy canes, and I think I made 1 of the ornaments and she made all of the others.

A picture of the completed tree is below. It's quite ugly, I know - but I could not love it more. It's one of my favorite things. (Don't worry, this isn't Oprah, so you won't be given one.) Many a times Binderclips has found me standing in front of it staring at it with a goofy grin on my face. I absolutely love it. With the garland type stuff on it it kind of looks like a bonsai tree, right?

One of the other things that makes me super duper happy this holiday: The new coats I bought for the dogs. The ones they have on in the pictures below have hoods and I got them monogrammed AND they are wearing scarves too. After I bought the darn coats online I dreamt about how they would look on my little angels until they arrived. (Yes there IS something wrong with me, but I'm comfortable with it, so you should be to.)

Anyways, I know this is a deviation from my normal posts, however I hope that where ever you are and whoever you're spending the holiday with - you're having a great time. I will be spending my holiday with the people I love the most and hope you're able to do the same! That's what the holidays are all about to me, spending time with your loved ones.

PS In other news, Binderclips has informed me that he's "got a blackbelt in text-fu" - so we've been discussing that a lot. Just thought I'd let you know.

Have a great weekend everyone! Happy Holidays!!

Me with my little angels, aren't they cute?

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Case of the Missing Toothpaste

This is my bro. One of the funnest guys in the world. This pic is from last Christmas. He got socks & we felt like he needed a sock-hair-do. It looks good, no?
With the craziness of Christmas quickly approaching it's not uncommon to lose things. You put your shoes somewhere, then forget where and can't find them or maybe it happens with some other article of clothing. In our house it's very common for Binderclips to lose things that are virtually right in front of his face.

Example from this past weekend:

We went shopping and bought him a new bag of socks. I put the socks on the sofa in our bedroom on Saturday night. On Sunday morning I'm in the shower and hear him talking to himself:

Binderclips: Where are my socks? They didn't just get up and run away...grumble, grumble, grumble

Hulabuns (from the shower): I really hope your talking about food out there, 'cause I'm starving

Binderclips: muffled talking

Hulabuns: What are you doing out there?

Binderclips: I can't find my socks

Hulabuns (getting out of the shower): "Try your s-o-c-k drawer" I say spelling "sock" out, thinking 'Great, today is going to be fun. Binderclips is having a slow day.'

Binderclips: I want to wear my new socks. Where are they?

Hulabuns: They are out there somewhere probably right in front of your face. BTW, if you try making food in the k-i-t-c-h-e-n, you might be more productive at feeding your hungry wife. I'm just sayin.

Binderclips: WHERE ARE MY SOCKS?!

Hulabuns: Ok, ok don't get your panties all in a bunch...

Binderclips: *If I don't get to wear my new socks today I will probably kill someone face*

Hulabuns: Look! Your socks, they were right here on the c-o-u-c-h!

Binderclips: Stop spelling everything *If you spell another word I will tackle you face*

Hulabuns: Well, if you would have just been looking with your eyes you would have found them

Binderclips: They were in a bag on the couch, which you conveniently forgot to mention. You basically hid them on me.

Hulabuns: Agree to disagree *I may have hid them to mess with him face*

In response to this I made my facebook status:

Danger: Missing socks on the loose. Not just one, entire new bag. Beware bag CAN be used as a weapon.

When I lose stuff it's usually my fault. I once lost the toothpaste that I had just put on my toothbrush. Totally not kidding. We were getting ready for bed one night. I was in our bathroom getting ready to brush my teeth. I got my toothbrush out, then opened the toothpaste. The toothpaste tube was getting a little low so I had to apply a bit more force to the tube to get the toothpaste out. I squeezed it and pressed down, saw toothpaste come out, then for a brief moment looked away. When I looked back down the toothpaste was gone.

Just at that moment Binderclips walked into the bathroom to see me with confused look on my face. I kept looking back and forth from the toothpaste tube to my toothbrush, then just stood there dumbfounded. When he asked me what I was doing I said "I'm not sure I should tell you. I'm pretty sure I lost my toothpaste." "No you didn't, it's in your hand" he says looking at the tube in my hand. After explaining what had happened we went on a "In Search of" mission to find the missing toothpaste.

Where was it, you ask? On the back of the faucet. Yep, on the back. I must have applied the toothpaste with such force that my toothbrush became a slingshot and that's just where it happened to land. Now, every night Binderclips asks me if I need a "toothpaste assist". I usually do.

Have a great day everyone! Later gators.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Naked Blindless

Hi guys! How's everything going out there? Ready for the weekend/Christmas? I think I'm ready, but we shall see. Just a couple more gifts to pick up.

This guy clearly needed me to help him with his package.

Ummm, almost got it, just a little to the left....

If it's night time and people's lights are on and their blinds aren't shut, do you look in? 

Well, I do. Mostly because I'm curious as to how they have things decorated. Also, sometimes you see people doing things you should not see them doing with the blinds open. However, when this happens (to me) I'm so in shock my head doesn't think they are actually doing what they are doing.

Case & point:

Above us live 2 single girls who are in college. They have a shit-ton of plants up there. I know this because while they were out doing internships I watered their plants for a month. They're sweet girls. They're not sisters but look almost identical, it's very confusing actually.

Any ways, one of them has a boyfriend or whatever (she's so sweet I can't imagine her having friends with benefits, so I'm calling him her boyfriend). Plus, if he is her "friend with benefits" he's definitely benefitting 'cause she never has any other guys over and she's super cute.

So, one evening when my best friend was in town we all went out to eat (Binderclips, my BFF, & me). When we came back Binderclips pulled up to the front of our apartment to drop us off. As I looked up I saw some peach colored figures moving around like they were doing vigorous calisthenics. Quickly I said "What ARE they doing up there?" without even thinking about what they were actually doing up there. Which, of course resulted in my BFF and Binderclips promptly looking up there. To which, we all started laughing and I said "Oh, well, I didn't realize they were doing THAT."

Seriously, they looked like they were doing it like rabbits or like they were on fast forward or something. It was impressively fast, whatever they were doing. I mean I know what they were doing, but however they were doing it - that might be a better way to put it.

Have you ever seen someone "doing it" like that and then had to face them the next day? Awkward. 

Me to the girl the next day: Oh hi, how are you? Probably good, right? *winking*

Ok, so I didn't see her and I have no idea what I would've said if I would have. All I can say is let this be a lesson to all of us: Naked + Blindless (aka blinds open) + "doing it" = not a good combination (unless you're into that sorta thing).

Happy Thursday! Later gators.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

He was tall, it was dark, and I was handsome

Look I CAN be handsome....
....problem is I can also be weird at times.

He was tall, it was dark, and I was handsome. What? Binderclips tells me I'm handsome all the time, a woman can be handsome, you know?

Anyways, I was sleeping on the couch in some weird house I had never seen before. I felt like I had had too much to drink because I as I laid there I kept seeing "foggy faces" (you know you recall seeing/speaking to someone but only recall bits and pieces of the conversation?). Just as I was about to fall asleep a tall man entered through the front door, a very tall man - like freakishly tall.

The couch I was laying on was facing a hallway that lead into the kitchen of the house. As the man entered he looked at me. Terrified, I closed my eyes quickly hoping he didn't see me looking at him. He kept walking towards the kitchen, so I figured he didn't see me looking at him. The hallway to the kitchen was long and the entire time the man walked down it he peered over at me several times as I again shut my eyes quickly.

Finally, he reached the kitchen and that's when I got even more terrified for some reason (maybe I was worried about him stealing food? Or the microwave? Who knows). It was at this point that I decided to yell for help and warn others of the man. However, when I opened my mouth nothing came out. I kept trying to say "Help!" but I literally could NOT speak. I tried many times to yell or even just say something but NOTHING was coming out. I didn't try to get up though, I don't know if it was because I couldn't get up or if I just didn't think to get up - either way laying there yelling was the approach I decided to take. Then, I realized that the only time I try to yell and can't is when I'm having a nightmare.

'I must be having a nightmare!' I thought. But instead of thinking 'wake up. wake up. wake up' I thought 'you're not going to be able to yell, so just stop trying'.

So, I stopped trying and drifted off into deep sleep again where my nightmare was again waiting for me. This time the man looked even more sinister; 1 eye seemed to be bulging out more than last time and he seemed more scarred up. 'SHIT!' I thought, I was again terrified, however had no recollection of the first time I had the nightmare. It felt as though I was experiencing the terrifying situation for the first time all over again. So, as soon as he got to the kitchen I decided to try to yell. But, of course, nothing came out. After several unsuccessful attempts I decided I must've been having a nightmare 'cause that's the only time I can't yell when I try to. 'Just stop trying' I thought, then again fell back into a deep sleep where again, the nightmare was waiting for me. This repeated at least 2 more times until....

I finally was able to say "Help!" but it was more like "Hhhh..eellllllllll....P" and I just kept saying it over and over again hoping, no praying that someone would hear me.

Well, someone did. But what I didn't expect was for it to Binderclips. And what I didn't expect on top of that was for him to wake me up saying "OK, wake up" in an irritated tone. Funny thing was that he had woken me up in the middle of me trying to say "help", I think I was actually saying the "eelllllll" part of it.

Binderclips: OK, wake up

Hulabuns: "....eelllll, oh" I say kind of sounding like I'm from England or something. "Errrrr, ummm, was I just talking in my sleep?"

Binderclips: Already rolled over and facing in the opposite direction he says "yeah, and making it impossible for me to sleep"

Hulabuns: What was I saying? Wait, was I saying "help"?... because I was having a terrifying dream

Binderclips: I guess it kind of sounded like "help"

Hulabuns: OMG, it was soo scary. There was this guy...

Binderclips: Can you tell me about it in the morning? I'm kind of trying to sleep

Hulabuns: Sadly I say "ok"

As I lay there I worry the man will appear again. After a couple of minutes I decide to try to tell Binderclips about it, it just can't wait until morning.

Hulabuns: You awake?

No answer...

Hulabuns: I swat at his arm then ask sweetly "Hey, you awake?"

Still no movement...

Hulabuns: I push him, since he's laying on his side, he sways back and forth. Then say, again sweetly "Hey you awake over there?"

Binderclips: Ummm yeah, did you just push me?

Hulabuns: No, why would I do that?

Binderclips: Hmmm, coulda sworn you pushed me...

Hulabuns: Frantically I say "Ok, about my nightmare.... This guy came into this house I was in. He was tall, I mean freakishly tall. And he was elderly and he had a walker with the tennis ball thingies on the ends of the legs...."

Binderclips: Wait. Do you hear yourself? Elderly? With a walker? I'm going back to sleep.

So, I stopped bothering him. (Well, I'm sure me bursting out into a fit of laughter didn't help him sleep restfully, but, seriously, what is wrong with me?) I really was terrified of the elderly man with the walker in my nightmare, that is, until I realized he was an elderly man with a walker.

Sorry about the long post, but do you guys ever fall into the "Yell for help nightmare loop?" or is it just me?

Have a great day! Later gators!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Hulabuns' Battle with Predatory Animals

Saw these guys at the Kansas City Zoo a few years ago. Glad I saw them there and not out in the wild as described below.

Happy Saturday everyone! I hope you're having a productive day. I'm planning on making some Garlic & Kale soup, painting, getting a workout in, and shopping a bit. Wish me luck!

I originally posted this back in April, but thought I'd post it again, since it's one of my favorite Hulabuns nightmare stories and I'm pretty sure most of you haven't read it. I have a new one to share as well, but am working on writing it up. I'll try to post it soon. Anyways, enjoy!

This one goes back a couple of years. One night Binderclips and I were sleeping and I was sleeping with my head on his shoulder (this was before we realized what happens to me when I get hot while sleeping, more on that later). So, he was on his back and I was all snuggled up on my side laying towards him with my head on his shoulder, near his ear.

Anyways, I was having a dream that basically was me watching a documentary on predatory animals. It started with the black bear and how it "cautiously sneaks up on elk and moose" (said in a documentary type voice - think Alec Baldwin-ish (but not the yelling at his daughter Alec, more like 30 Rock Alec)). It went on to describe how "the black bear only hunts salmon at night as it's dark fur is easily seen during the day". I found this to be gripping and could not stop watching such a fascinating documentary.

Next came the Snaz fish, in which "sneaks up on it's prey, then, without warning, eats the prey whole in one gulp!" 'HOLY SHIT!' I thought, 'it looks like such a harmless fish'. I was obviously not expecting it to eat the nice little fishy it was following (think Finding Nemo with Dory following around Marlin type deal) whole - in an instant. 'And I thought they were friends!' I thought, devastated.

Then, all of a sudden, I was dropped into the water to compete with the Snaz fish. "Swim quick and keep chomping" said the documentary type voice "you must catch the prey before the Snaz fish does." So, what did I do? I FREAKING STARTING SWIMMING AND CHOMPING SCARED FOR MY LIFE!! I was chomping and swimming and swimming and chomping and just could not catch the darn prey AND THE SNAZ FISH WAS QUICKLY APPROACHING!! I just tried to swim faster and chomp harder!!

Next thing I know I'm looking at Binderclips who's looking at me with a terrified look on his face. I'm awake. 'Crap, guess I lost that competition' I think. "What are you doing??!!" he says (in a terrified voice). I respond with "Oh, I was just having some dream about a documentary in which I was in a competition with the Snaz fish. I had to eat the prey before it did, you know that kind of stuff" (thinking he must have just woken up from a terrifying nightmare himself). I follow it up with "Are you ok? Must have been some nightmare you were having, you look terrified". Still looking terrified he says "NO, I'M NOT OK! I thought you were going to bite me!!" "Bite you! Why would I do that?" I say. "Because you were squirming all around and chomping at my ear!" he says. To which I respond to with a burst of laughter. I flash back to my dream and do recall doing both of those things, however did not think I was really doing them or was I?

I finally get him to believe that I was not actually trying to bite him (it was harder than you might think as we had an incident before this in which he was teasing me with a piece of chocolate and I MAY have bit him, accidentally, of course).

To this day he does not let me live down the Snaz fish incident. In fact, on occasion I find that he's named things 'Snaz Fisheries' (he made something on my computer this name, I forget what it was exactly). We still have discussions on how I came up with "Snaz fish" as the type of fish, which I honestly have no clue why that was it's name. :)

Have a great weekend folks! Later gators!

Originally posted 4/7/2010

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Marriage - It's a Melange of Weirdness & Confusion

Well, it is, at least for Binderclips and I. We're practically masters of being weird (well, Binderclips has this covered at least) and confusing each other as well as others, so I feel like our marriage is definitely a melange of weirdness and confusion.

This is one of our engagement pictures. Notice how we look like we're leaning to one side? Well, we weren't, I assure you. But because of the curve in the bulb it looked like we were.
Anyways, as you all might have noticed just about every 2 weeks there's a fun widget (like there is today) at the bottom of my posts linking to other blogs. I'm a part of a group called the Blog Gang that has several members that post about the same topic every other week. This week our topic is Marriage. If you want to join the Blog Gang please send an email to our fearless leader, errr I mean Blog Gang Organizer Extraordinaire Susie Kline and tell her you're interested.

So, where was I? Oh yeah! I was talking about melons or melange or a melange of melons...

Did I ever tell you guys about how Binderclips and I fight about melons (watermelons, specifically)? No? When they're in season Binderclips insists (I mean INSISTS) on buying watermelons. Nothing infuriates me more than his love for them and him wanting to buy them. Why does it infuriate me, you ask? Well, I will tell you.

Every single time he buys them he sets the melon in the kitchen on the counter. We have a small kitchen with not very much counter space and he leaves it there for DAYS before he cuts it up. This results in the melon taking up valuable space (read: valuable space that I need to cook HIM food) in the kitchen. Infuriating right? In fact, we have taken to arguing in the supermarket about it.


We're grocery shopping and I'm getting some kale and lettuce, he's nowhere to be seen. I look around (stealthily) and spot him by the watermelons. I break out into a sprint (however, slow down enough ahead of time, so that he doesn't know that I practically ran over to him) to tell him to put the melon down.

Hulabuns: Thinking 'Stay calm. You can do this. You will not kill him over the watermelon. At least not here.' I say "Put the melon down, bucko" (anytime I say bucko, it's not good) "we will have no melons in our cart today."

Binderclips: But look at this one, doesn't it look sad?

Hulabuns: "NO! Well, kind of, but it's still not coming home with us." I say thinking 'There. Take that you weird melon lover.'

Binderclips: *sad face* "I feel bad putting it back. I've already picked it up and everything."

Hulabuns: *are you kidding me face* "Put the melon down."

Binderclips: *glares at me* "Who made you the melon decider?"

Hulabuns: *glares back at him*

Another couple walks by us and looks at us both glaring at each other. We unlock eyes momentarily to smile at the couple, but remain in position to glare back at each other. As soon as they walk past us, our glares at each other resume.

Hulabuns: *glaring* "Really? Melon decider? I seriously cannot believe you say these kinds of things in public."

Binderclips: *are you kidding me face* "I learned from the master. Remember the other day when you were telling me all about the "lettuce rapper" then started making up a lettuce rap IN THE GROCERY STORE?"

Hulabuns: I have no idea what you are talking about.

Binderclips: Do you want me to remind you by singing it right here and now?

Hulabuns: *calling his bluff, you could not pay him to sing in public* "Go ahead, make my day" I say in my best Clint Eastwood voice.

Binderclips: *up to no good face* "Ok, fine" he says then puts the melon down.

We pick up the rest of the groceries, then go to check out. Hmmmm, what's that I spy in the bottom of the cart? That's right folks, a watermelon. I look at Binderclips to see him grinning from ear-to-ear.

Hulabuns: *You will be lucky if that melon makes it to the car face*

Binderclips: Come on, let's hug it out

Moral of the story is, regardless of the type of relationship you have; be it with your Mom, Dad, siblings, friends, or significant other, there's most likely a mixture of something that keeps it going strong. For Binderclips and I our marriage is a mixture of both weirdness and confusion and I wouldn't have it any other way. It seems like there's always a unique mixture of characteristics that cement the bond between us and others. What are your relationships a mixture of? If you feel like sharing, I'd love to hear what they are.
In this one we are leaning to the left to compensate for the curvature in the bulb. We look like we're standing straight up right? I guess our "normal" is abnormal. Oh and yeah, that's our photographer, she managed to block her flash out but had a hard time cutting herself out of the picture.

I hope you have a great day today. Later gators!

PS Thank goodness I wrote this a couple of days ago and all I had to do was post it. I am really sick (I'm actually working with a snow hat on today, just so you know). Must've picked up a bug at the gym or something, but it's kicking my butt (like big time). However, I have to send some major thanks to Vince from Reeds, he had suggested that I drink 4-5 pint glasses of boiled but cooled water with a tablespoon of both lemon juice and honey in it. I have been following this regimen and I think it's helping. So thanks again, Vince!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Facebook Confusion Intrusion

Happy Monday everyone! I hope you're having a great day today.

The below is how I started my morning. I like to call situations like this "Confusion Intrusions" because the confusion just sneaks right up on you. 

I signed onto Facebook to check out what was happening with my peeps and a friend had posted a picture of turkeys that had found their way on her back porch. That wasn't the confusing part.... it starts to get confusing when the "trout" gets mentioned. Do you see a trout in the picture (If you can't see the picture/text, right-click then select "Zoom-In" as many times as necessary or click on "Fullscreen" in the picture window) at all? Look very closely....

Ummmm, no you don't, because there isn't one in the picture.

After looking through some of my friend's other pictures I realized that her cat was named "Trout".  For someone like me (read: very literal) this was VERY confusing. Any who, I hope you got a laugh out of this like I did. 

Later gators!!