Monday, July 25, 2011

French Toast Failure = Motherhood Failure?

Look how happy I am that I no longer throw up daily, now I'm just hungry constantly!
While Callie gets swallowed up whole by our lovesac I pose for the camera (aren't I sweet?). This is me at 27 weeks. I will be 28 weeks this Thursday (geesh, where does the time go?!) 
About a month or so back I woke up in a panic. I mean a real panic people. I nearly felt like I was hyperventilating. After I calmed myself down I still could not get what had me in a panic off my mind, although I didn't know if it was something I could talk to Binderclips about - so, I kept it to myself.

Well, as the day progressed I got more and more distracted by my thoughts. Finally, I must have looked distraught because Binderclips asked me what was wrong. All I could say to him is "how about we have French toast for breakfast tomorrow?" (We never eat French toast or sweet-type stuff for breakfast EVER.) He responded with "Oh, ok, sure" in a very confused tone, then said "but you still didn't tell me what's wrong."

I thought I had by asking him about the French toast, but clearly he missed the very obvious response. So, I responded with "Well, it has to do with the French toast" as I started to tear up. With a concerned look on his face he responds with "Ok, sounds like we need to talk about it." "I'm not sure I can talk about it without crying" I say. "I've seen you cry before, so I think we're covered there" he says as serious as he can.

"Ok, well I'm afraid..." I start sobbing "thatifIcantmake" I sob a little harder so that the words become unrecognizable for the rest of the sentence "fren..most..mumble (sob) mumble (sniffle) mumble (trying to catch my breath)..ure" I say as I wipe the tears from my eyes, then look up at him. Binderclips gets me a kleenex then just gives me a hug, I'm certain at this point he thinks 'man, this must be some traumatizing French toast experience to have her so upset' as he tries to comfort me. He lets me cry it out a little before trying to talk to me again.

"So, let me get this straight - we need to have French toast for breakfast tomorrow but it makes you really upset?" he asks. "Did you have a bad experience with French toast at some point? I mean whatever it did to you I am a man and can certainly take care of this terrible French toast" he says acting all macho. Then he follows it up with "We can make the French toast then chop it up into teeny tiny pieces, then eat it for that what you had in mind?" he asks with hope in his voice. I suspect it was at this point he probably thought I'd start laughing also, but I didn't - I just started crying more.

"No" I say as I try to calm myself down. I wipe the tears that are pouring from my eyes away, then take a couple of deep breaths. I calm down enough so that I can explain and say "If I can't make French toast I'm afraid I'll be a failure of a mom" then look at him with what I'm guessing are as close to puppy-dog eyes I can have. I suspect this because I kind of see him start to laugh, then he sees me and tries to maintain his composure. "Ok, well I know you're going to be a great mom and I'm sure the French toast will be a success" he says. This makes me feel better, but the rest of the night I keep thinking about if I fail at it, I just would not/could not calm down until I successfully made the French toast.

The next morning I did succeed, but as I thought about it more I wondered why that defined me being successful as a mom. I think it's because my Dad used to make my brother and I French toast all the time when I was little and I always looked up to him so much that I wanted to believe our little bundle would feel the same way about me. I will say, that I hope it's for more than just making French toast, but I blame the pregnancy for my unstable mental state that lead to this incident. Let's hope that goes away after the baby comes! :)

This prompted me to think about the actual things that I think would define me as a good/successful mom. Some of the things on my list are having patience, being caring, leading by example, teaching to value relationships over material items, being disciplined, giving discipline, and giving motivation (just to name a few). What defines you guys as successful people in your own lives? I'd love to hear if you want to share!

Have a great day everyone! Later gators!


  1. you totally crack me up... I can only imagine the mess of things I'm going to cry over when I get pregnant! so glad the french toast turned out well, I had no doubts! ;)

  2. Thanks Annahita!! Clearly I had MY doubts. lol

  3. I'm glad the French toast worked out but if your dad used to make it for you, then this burden should totally be on Binderclips shoulders! ;) I suppose the way I feel successful is if those who I meet and am around feel accepted and loved when they are around me. Although this could be why I have had random odd people spill their crazy stories to me in the past so maybe it's not a good thing???

  4. Padded Cell Princess - Nice call! Although Binderclips is not a cook in mean AT ALL. I like your measure for success! It sounds like a good thing to me...lots of interesting friends! :)

  5. Ah you'll lose that attitude very quickly indeedy otherwise that kid will run rings about you. You cannot hand over to the kid you're peace of mind. Leastwise you shouldn't let it see any weakness.